Positive Homebirth with an Emotional Breakthrough - Birth Story of Baby #4

"Hold on, get your chest on the ground, your bum in the air and try to wait for me!" said my midwife as she rushed to get off our call and into her car to drive to our house. 

It was 12:30am in the morning. September 2023. I had just called her (from the bath, where I was relaxing through contractions) to say that I had been having contractions for a few hours and we thought I was around 8 centimetres dilated. 

It was Friday evening, I was exactly 40 weeks. None of my babies have ever arrived on their estimated "guess" date, so I was surprised to feel light contractions starting at around 8pm. My husband was putting our older three children to bed so I pottered around the kitchen, clearing things and sorting things out. I felt relieved that I had finished setting up the birthing room earlier that day with my 8 year old daughter - we had decorated it with colourful paper chains and a glittery heart bunting she had made. We also put up affirmations and water colour paintings that the whole family had painted together.

At around 10pm I called my husband over and asked him to  check to see if I was dilated (this is something my midwife teaches husbands in her pre-natal classes). I wasn't sure if I was experiencing the real contractions of labour or Braxton Hicks (practice contractions), and one of the ways to tell if you are actually in labour is if you are dilating. (Another way to tell if you're in actual labour is to get into a warm bath and see if the contractions slow down or continue and intensify). 

My husband estimated that I was dilated between 4 to 6 centimetres. It seemed like the real thing.

He started getting into gear to prepare for the birth.  About two weeks prior we had had what our midwife likes to call an "undress rehearsal", lol. We had set up the birthing pool, run a bath, switched on the oven - all to get an idea of how long it would take to fill the bath and pool, whether we had enough hot water in our geyser, whether our electricity supply would cope. At the end of that session my husband concluded that as long as I went into labour in the daytime (so we could rely on some solar power) and out of a loadshedding period (in South Africa we frequently have planned power outages called "loadshedding"), our resources would be fine. 

Except I had gone into labour at night. And we were scheduled for a 4 hour loadshedding slot. Oh dear. 

Nevertheless, he started making plans (to heat extra water on the gas stove for the pool), ran a bath for me and helped me to get food to start carbo-loading for labour (you need energy for labour!). He started moving our sleeping children out of their bedrooms and into another room, further away from our bedroom where we had set up the birthing pool. We didn't want them to wake up if I made a noise during labour, and while I didn't mind them being home, I wanted some privacy in the birthing room.

 I got into the bath to relax and around 12am, called my husband to check my dilation again. I felt like the contractions were getting more intense. This time he estimated I was between 8 to 10 centimetres dilated, and we decided to call the midwife and doula. We also called my mom to come over to sit with the kids and look after them if they woke up. 

Judging from my midwife's instructions, the fact that I had dilated at least two centimetres in the last two hours and the fact that it was my fourth birth, we all expected this labour to be quick. 

Somehow, though, it didn't feel to me like I was in advanced labour. My contractions were intense, but they were not getting closer together. I got out of the bath, and when my midwife arrived she confirmed that I was at 8cm.  She suggested that my husband and I get walking. It was a beautiful spring evening, so we went out into the garden and started walking, pausing every now and again for me to sip at coconut water. I went inside ever so frequently for bathroom breaks. Eventually I tired of walking and we decided to go inside and play a boardgame while I carbo-loaded on a baked potato. The contractions were still strong but far apart. 

At around 4:30am, my midwife checked my dilation again. We were shocked. Still at 8 centimetres! I couldn't believe it...I had been labouring for four hours with no progression. 

I know at this stage, had I been in a hospital, with an obgyn, I'd most likely have been labelled as "failure to progress" and ended up with a c-section. 

At home, however, with a midwife who understood how labour worked, who had spent hours and hours over the last few months caring for me, talking to me, preparing me for this journey...my birth took a different trajectory. 

"I think you're holding this baby back," said my midwife thoughtfully. "Perhaps you're feeling watched," she said, echoing something I had told her when reflecting on my third birth. "This labour could take the whole day still."  She suggested that I get into the pool (which had taken four hours to fill, thanks to loadshedding) and relax, while she and the doula left the house. They would stay in the area, she assured me, so as soon as I called they would head right back. 

I didn't like the thought of that. I realised that I did NOT want to continue being in labour for a full day. I told my midwife that it was almost time for fajr, the morning prayer, and that I wanted to pray first before I got into the pool. I started praying and during my prayer I had two powerful contractions that had me groaning out load. 

"Don't go", my husband said to the midwife. He had heard the contractions and sensed that things had picked up. "I think things are happening."

I got into the warm, relaxing, comforting pool. Bliss. They say that warm water is "nature's epidural". It's true.

In between trips to the bathroom, I lay in the pool and gazed at the watercolour paintings, the glittery hearts, the affirmations in which I had included some of the 99 Names of Allah. As I gazed at the names, I focused on one of them that made think strongly about Trusting in God. I repeated it to myself. Then I realised something. 

"Maybe I am holding this baby back," I told my midwife. "I'm scared." 

"Good!" she shouted. 

"I'm worried about the ring of fire," I went on. 

This wasn't news to her. I'd mentioned it before during my appointments. We had talked about it. 

"I know you are. But I'm here, and I'm going to support you, that's my job. The water will help as well."

"How am I going to manage FOUR children?!" I asked. Again, not a new fear. I had spoken to her about it in my appointments. 

"I think I'm going to cry," I said. 

"Yes! Yes! Get it all out!" she exclaimed excitedly. She knew as well as I did that an emotional release would likely lead to a physical release as well and help to progress my labour.

"I can't understand it," I sobbed, "I have talked about this fear. I journaled about it. I spoke to you about it. Why is it still coming up?!"

" Well maybe when you did all those things, it wasn't the right time for you to process it. Maybe NOW is the right time for you to process it." 

I kept quiet for a bit, absorbing what she'd said. 

Then I asked my midwife if she and the doula would leave the room so I could speak to my husband. When they left I looked at him and spilled out the emotions of an entire year on the poor man (who, to his credit, was amazingly supportive and reassuring, alhamdulillah). 

Then I had a MASSIVE contraction. 

"CAN WE COME BACK IN?!" I heard my midwife shout from outside the bedroom door, "that sounded like a BIG one!"

She and the doula rushed back in. It seemed like my labour was finally in full swing, contractions coming regularly. I could feel my baby descending. The sun started rising and I could see it's rays coming through my bedroom window as it lit up the green garden outside.  "How beautiful" I thought. During my pregnancy I had pictured giving birth as the sun rose. I was on my knees in the pool, with my chin resting on a floating pillow and my arms resting against the side of the pool.

"Feel for your baby," my midwife instructed. I reached down and I could feel that he was just a few centimetres from crowning. He was still in the amniotic sac. It still took a long while and quite few contractions for him to move down.

The crowning got closer. Closer to the ring of fire, I knew. The thing that I had been scared about. But I wasn't scared anymore. I kept my hand on my baby's head and told myself that this needed to happen, that we were almost there. "Come on baby," I encouraged him. Labour is a team effort. 

I took a deep breath and with the next powerful contraction I pushed my baby out, keeping my hand on his head as he crowned. His amniotic sac ruptured at the same time. With another push, his shoulders and body were out and I felt intense relief. I rested in the pool for a bit, holding my baby close. I felt happy and empowered. My body did this. Alhamdulillah. 

It was past 7:30am. 

Baby in arms, I climbed out of the birthing pool, onto the towel and drop-sheet covered floor (which my husband had set up during the undress rehearsal) and onto my midwife's birthing stool. Our doula covered me and baby in warm towels and I birthed the placenta. 

My husband held our baby skin to skin and floated him in the water as I lay down for my midwife to check me. No tears. Alhamdulillah. 

In the quiet time after the birth we could hear the excited voices our other children talking with my mom in the kitchen.  When we were ready, my husband called them in to be the first to meet their baby brother. They left the room and after I had latched him (with the help of my midwife) and given him his first feed, my midwife took baby outside into the sunlight, along with his eager siblings as helpers, to give him his first massage with calendula oil. 

Subhanallah. 

Every birth I have had has been different in it's own way. This particular birth made me fully experience the core lesson that I teach in my course Positive Birth Through Surah Maryam : that a woman's emotions have a key role to play during her labour. 

At around 8 weeks postpartum I had a checkup with my obgyn - he had supported my choice of a midwife led homebirth, and was happy to act as backup if I needed medical intervention. I recounted my birth story to him. "If you'd been in the hospital, you'd have had a c-section," he confirmed. 

This was a labour where my body was fine but my own emotional fears were holding my labour back. I didn't need physical intervention. I needed patience, and emotional support. I'm grateful that Allah swt had led me to choose an environment and support team that knew what I needed. 

Do you want to learn more about why I made the choices I did about my birth? My course, Positive Birth Through Surah Maryam, teaches all the options that are available to you when you give birth! You may not make the same decisions I did, we are all different and have different needs. But you can make empowered decisions so that you have the best shot at a natural, positive birth experience.  Click here to learn more.