Motherhood: Hardship upon hardship

وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ

Wahnan ala wahnin.

Hardship upon hardship.

I learnt about this phrase (mentioned in the Quran) from @ayeina_official (https://ayeina.com/wahnan-ala-wahn-survive-hardships-motherhood/).

 The first time I read the explanation, I nearly sobbed in relief.

 It refers to the period of time from when a woman first conceives a child, carries him/her through pregnancy, until that child is weaned from the breast at around 2 years.  

وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ

Wahnan ala wahnin. 

As a student of Arabic, when I learnt of this phrase I immediately hunted down the original verse and wrote it out carefully in large, visible arabic letters on our kitchen whiteboard.

After staring at these words daily for about a week my husband gently suggested that I replace it with something  "positive" from the Quran  - he thought that perhaps I was being negative, by putting these words on display, by reminding myself of them every day. 

I was surprised.  I didn't see these words as something negative at all. To the contrary. They brought me joy. More than joy. Validation. 

وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ

Wahnan ala wahnin.

This phrase made me realise that, as I struggled through these early years, the sleep deprivation, the exhaustion, being on call 24/7, nourishing another human with my body (and facing all the challenges that go along with that), keeping track of feedings, diapers, naps, juggling my other responsibilities and older children and frequently dropping balls... I'm not alone. 

وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ

Wahnan ala wahnin.

It's not just ME struggling through. It IS hard.

It is hard upon hard.

Hard squared.

Hardship upon Hardship.

Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God).  In a society that doesn't recognise the challenges (or the value) of motherhood, it reminded me that my Lord does. He knows what I'm going through. 

And as a friend once reminded me when talking about her own challenges - my Lord lovingly crafted THIS for me. My own unique experience. My own unique challenges.

And while my challenges are unique in many ways, it is also...not. Wahnan ala wahnin is something ALL mothers go through. Subhanallah (Glory be to God).

The impact of this phrase on me? It is like an encouraging love note from my Lord saying "I see you."  "I see what you're doing, I know it is hard. It is meant to be hard. This life is a test. Try your best. I know."

وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ

Wahnan ala wahnin.

 And He also says (elsewhere) "I will reward you."  

As much as I love my children, it makes it much easier to throw yourself, your energy, your everything, into motherhood, to embrace the rollercoaster you step onto when you first become pregnant, when you KNOW that a great reward awaits you on the other side, in the next life.

وَهْنًا عَلٰى وَهْنٍ

Wahnan ala wahnin.

I first learnt about this phrase about 3 years ago, and as I muddle through postpartum for the fourth time, it brings me just as much comfort as it did in the past.

 Alhamdulillah (Praise be to  God).